Aiskrim.

Haiii :)

Hari ni saya rasa semacam stress, lalu aku makan aiskrim, in hopes boleh hilang aa rasa stress tu.

Tadaa... ini la icecream kita tgh makan sekarang :)

Tapi aku rasa efek tak efek la makan menda ni. Cuma makan sebab rasa craving je. Haha.

So I'd like to start today's rambling.

Actually hari ni is like any other day, it started out normal. There isn't any occurence yang boleh membuatkan aku bad mood. Dari pagi sampai la petang. Everything was fine.

Then aku bukak FB. Scroll punya scroll, ternmpk pulak gambar seseorang tu. Siapa seseorang tu, aku rasa xperlu kot bagi tau. Mungkin kalau salah seorang buddies baca entry ni, mungkin diaorang tau siapa. So, sambung cerita. Yeah aku ternampak gambar dia. Lawa dah dia sekarang. Bergaya. (lol teringat #bergaya) ehem. Hmm, lawa la senang citer. Mungkin tak selawa the rest of my buddies, tapi kalau banding dengan aku, aku confident dia lagi lawa dari aku.

Aaand... somehow that ruined my mood. Kenapa? Entah.

Mungkin it was just pure jealousy. Mungkin aku terasa intimidated. Mungkin dua-dua. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a good excuse. But hey, that's the fact, and if this make me sound like a bad person, I guess maybe I am. Aku pun tak pernah cakap aku baik.

-berenti makan London Choco Roll jap. Pakngah belanja.-

Okay, sambung cerita. 

So umm begitulah cerita dia. Then bukak FB lagi, nampak status cari pasal Mr Z yang aku rasa lah, ditujukan kat aku. KOT. Sebenarnya status dia tu biasa je, tapi sebab dia sedang mencari pasal sebab masih tak nak habis merajuk, suma benda dia buat salah dimata aku. Aku malas nak layan dia, at least not until I go back to UTM. Terima kasihlah sebab buat aku menyesal sekali lagi. Yappari machigaikatta.

Oh well, I won't be paying any attention to him. Aku taknak dia rosakkan what little precious sweet relaxing time I have at home, semata nak suruh aku ikut kata dia.

Yes, I'm evil. But like I said, I'm no angel, love.

Esok I'll be going out with my elemantary+highschool bestfriend, Azreen. I was looking forward to it, tapi sebab benda benda ni semua, mood tu cam somehow hilang. I just hope I didn't ruin anything tomorrow.

Okay la, okay la, aku admit, benda ni semua benda kecik, tak perlu nak sentap sgt over everything, yeah? If I am in my logical mode, yes I'll agree. Tapi tgh emo ni, mmg semua serba tak kena la, orang kata.

Besides, it's not like anyone will be reading this. Kalau ada pun, well, hmm. Haha.

K la, aku rasa dah cukup membebel kat sini. That'll be all for today. Tata :)

Masalah

Tumpang lalu, kita nak membebel sebentar.

*dengar lagu When I Was Your Man* haha perfect. Thank you Fly.Fm.

Dulu, kau pernah kasi lagu ni kat aku. Wai? Sebab konon kau regret whatever shit you've done to me. Yes, I bought it. Macam biasalah, aku memang senang diayat, dimanja, dipujuk.

Tapi perangai kau serius macam F.

I've even explained to you what made me uncomfortable with you. Are you dumb or something? Sila bagi perhatian apa yang aku bagi tahu boleh? Ni tak. Satu dua hari je kau okay. Pastu buat pasal lagi.

Kau da lama kot kenal aku. Even relationship kita macam vague kadang2, kau dengan aku pernah serius.You said it yourself, you know me more than I know you. Yes, for some part, I agree. Tapi ada certain part yang aku rasa kau tak faham dan kau takkan pernah faham.

Aku tak pandai pujuk orang. Lagi-lagi lelaki. Perempuan pun aku kadang-kadang fail time pujuk diorang. Pastu kau nak merajuk bagai dengan aku. Sekali sekala  tu okay la, aku xde la kesah mana, tapi kalau da tiap kali nak merajuk... aih payah la camtu. Aku yang jadi annoyed dengan kau.

Aku dah cakap, time-time ni aku busy. Time aku kat rumah lagi la limited time nak cakap dengan kau. Dah berapa banyak kali aku cakap, if you can't bear with it, then leave me. Taknak. Taknak tapi bila tetiap kali I can't call or didn't pick up your call, kau merajuk, meradang, macam budak kecik tak dapat gula-gula.
Biasanya perempuan tau yang perangai camtu. Aku yang perempuan pun tak macam tu. Kau yang lelaki tu, tak perlu la aku rasa mengada mengalahkan perempuan. Kau rasa kau sakit hati dengan aku, aku sakitkan hati kau banyak kali? Then leave.

Aku dah kasi chance da. Even though it went against all of my principles. Tapi aku tak faham kenapa kau tak reti appreciate chance tu.

You said I can't find somebody who love me like you do. Really? I think I found someone already. Someone yang jauh lebih caring dekat aku dari kau. But I choose to ignore. And he may only the start of one person. Mungkin ada lagi yang lebih baik dari dia.

Aku rasa kau mungkin tak pernah terfikir kan, mungkin akan ada orang lain yang akan ambil aku dari kau. Ye aku tau, aku tak hot, tak secantik mereka yang keliling kau, or even mereka yang keliling aku. Kau hensem, athletic, nice build, sweet talker. A perfect man la orang kata. Ramai orang suka. Petik jari sepuluh betina keliling kau.

Mungkin sebab tu kau rasa kau boleh buat kepala kau with your own fecking way. Sebab takkan ada orang nak aku.

Ye?

Well sayang, bukan nak cakap ape, tapi anything can happen. If you don't start appreciate me from now, jangan menyesal untuk kali ke dua kalau aku dah takde lagi dengan kau. You can go take your damn philosophy to those people that just craves your attention. Yeah?

Serius aku geram weh tengok kau. Kau rasa kau dah hot, dah femes sangat, you can treat me like shit.
Kalau agak-agak femes sangat dah, sila ambik sesiapa yang sedang tergila-gilakan kau sekarang and make her your girlfriend, why don't you?

I've been alone for so long, to the point I don't give a damn anymore. If you're the definition of not being alone, then trust me sayang, I'd rather be alone, then be with you.

Mukadimah (amboi title xD)

Good afternoon, selamat tengah hari, Konbawa :)

Hai, saya tetiba terasa nak tulis blog, so okkay, here goes. haha.

K, harini aku rasa aku dah start malas. hahaha. Okay aku memang sebenarnya hari hari malas, tapi 2-3 hari kat rumah ni aku rajin tauu. Hari ni je malas. haha.

Patutnya harini aku kena babysit yasmin, tapi umm nantila . Maaf ye yasmin, auntie kau mmg cmni, pemalas. haha.

So what to story ae? Aku pun tataw...

Haha jap aa, bagi aku mandi dulu, nnt baru idea masuk. (kot). haha. 

So kita babai dulu for nao.

aku guna gif ni semata sebab dia comel. Ya, ini influence dari buat blog smlm. haha.

Hari gembira.

Okay, I admit. I expected to today to be as flawless as it can be. I've done my homework for Literature, and get things readied for today, baju and all. I really thought there ain't nothing that can disturb me today.

Things are cool in the exam, I sailed through the exam, as confident as I could. There's a slight bugging feeling in my conscience's detector, as I call it, though I disregarded that. Tgh bahagia lah org kata kan, dgn Literature yang kononnya best subject aku tu.

Then again, they say, don't boast. And don't count your eggs before they are hatched. And there's no such thing as a perfect day.

You just can't have too much of a good thing. Haha. Karma mungkin.

Aku da setel makan, tido, bukak FB. Ade carrymark, multimedia. Scanned through, and guess what, I was the lowest. And kalau markah tu tak jauh2 antara yang lain takpe tau. Ni aku sorg ber-digit 3 kat situ, wherein org lain suma 40+. A fecking 10 marks.

Okay mula mula chill la. Final still ade. Tapi badan dah gigil da. Dunno if it was from anger, sadness, disappointment, aku pun tak tau. And then I realized I can't contain it any longer. Airmata dah berlumba lumba nak jatuh da ni. So aku pun, as per usual, sorok kat balkoni, my lil 'sanctuary' la konon nye. People seldom go there anyway. Esther je la yg td ade sbb nak angkat baju, tu pun aku reluctantly ignored her sbb tak nak burst to tears right there and then.

Tak perlu terang kot ape aku buat kat situ. A little drizzle on my lovely afternoon. Serius aku rasa cam bodoh gila. Okay, multimedia may not be my forte, but come on, I know I'm not that dumb enough utk markah jadi cam babi cm tu. Possibilities mungkin ade assignments yg aku tak submit or wtv, tapi too little too late to regret, right? Assignments time's already gone. Its finals now. Nak tak nak kena face the music la. Nak pegi tanya En Shah balik asal markah aku cmtu? Sori tapi aku tak sanggup. My pride says that its my fault, and don't blame it to others. Assignment tak hantar? Padan lah muka. Sape suruh tak hantar. You reap what you sow. And honestly, malu kot. Sebab benda tu ultimately akan jadi salah aku.Kalau aku tanya pun, it'd still be my fault. So ape guna memalukan diri sendiri kalau dah tau tu salah sendiri?

Or in other words, I'm just too damn prideful for my own good.

Tapi serius aku rasa diri pathetic gila. Haha. Orang lain suma main2 jugak mcm aku. Takde pulak dpt markah mcm tu. Same goes for Japanese. Eceh konon pandai la Jepun, tgk anime bagai. Jap gi carrymark jahanam jugak. Kadang kadang aku rasa nak keluar drpd badan aku sendiri and laugh at myself. Gila pathetic. Overconfidence kills you. Ntah2 Lit aku pun nnt jadi cmni. Haha. Kalau betul jadi serius pathetic la seh. Aku rasa guilty gila kat mak aku. She says, belajar betul2, ibu da amikkan Note 2. Now, what did i get? The worst possible thing. Rasa mcm nak cancel je on the note. I don't deserve it.

Tu la, orang lain sume blajar, kau tak blajar. Konon pandai sgt. Konon last minute learner. Tak payahlah Sarah. Dah bangang tu bangang je la. Tak payah nak konon pandai sangat.
Padan muka. Kan dah dapat balasannya.

------------------------------- deep breath --------------------------------

Okay end of self deprecating post. Now, no choice but to go through this ordeal. Be tough, thats all you just have to do. Jangan nangis, nothing will come out of that. Belajar. Bak kata Seha, hardwork will never betray you.

And just calm the fuck down.

P.S: Saya meminta maaf jika hari ni saya menyakiti hati sesiapa. Okay? Terima kasih kerana memahami. :)

Tatkala...

Tatkala kau rasa awkward gila.
Okay, mungkin tak, maybe its just me and my paranoia.

Aku... sebenarnya takde nak cakap ape pun. Sebenarnya boring, sbb well, simply sebab aku boring. Its 4 am in the morning and I'm still not asleep. Simple as that.

Tapi agak2 kalau kau operate kepala aku ni, banyak gile menda serabut yang kau rasa time kau bukak tu kau nak tutup balik and never want to see em again.

Aku paranoid dgn dia. Sebab bila kau dah tersayang tersangat, you can't help but feel like this. Perhaps.
Orang len aku tataw lak canner. Dan bila scale itu berat sebelah, something unpleasant might happen. Mungkin.

Yang lain, well, banyak benda lain lagi ekshelli tapi tu mungkin lain hari lain masa lain ketika.

K dah, aku meraban ape pun akku tataw so baik aku tido.

Ta.

Insomnia

Ever had that particular moment bila kau rasa sedih gila tapi kau tak boleh nangis?

Rasa sakit aty kan? Yeah, tu la yang aku rasa skrg. Wai? Jap agy aku citer. maybe.

Kenapa aku takleh nangis you ask? Sebab aku taknak nangis, really. I mean, I'm not alone in the room. Mau si Yana dok terkkujat tgk aku tetiba nanges memalam. So tak nak la gempar aku histeria pulak kan. Haha.

Anyway, aku tgh ber cornflake  i mean, konflik (sorry aku tgh lapar) sikit. Dengan siapa? Aku rasa kau tawu kot. So paham2 jela.

Kena pulak dua2 tengah berangin. Memang tak la kan nak slow down ke ape. Seb bek dua2 reti bhasa. Letak phone b4 anything breaks out. Or as the Westeners call it, before hell breaks loose.

Well, hell didn't break loose. My tears did. Tapi tu la cam aku ckp, aku takleh nangis and frankly, aku tension. I need to let these pent up emotion out somehow.

That aside. aku insomniac hari ni. Like serious aku xleh tido. So aku sumbat telinga dgr lagu Adele, hopefully boleh tido. Or susah sangat all nighter je la kan. tapi memang tak la nak buat assignment kejadah kan. Kepala tgh serabut kot. Think I'll go watch anime or something. Alang2 wifi dah repair.

Anyway, esok kalau aku moody semacam, paham2 lah ~ jangan risau, aku moody sat je. Paling2 satu hari~

K dah, cukup membebel kot. Haha. Au revoir :)

A fortnight babysitter~

Yes yes, it's been a heck of a long time. Sorry.. been really........... lazy xD
aaannywayy, I ended my Foundation safely already and was accepted to UTM for my degree~ YAY xD

But today, the story is not that.

Its about me being a  babysitter.

Yep, a babysitter.

For approx 2 weeks.

And being someone who never really took care of kids, it's hella tiring, I tell you.

Alright, so I have a very cute niece. Scratch that, two cute nieces~ and they're staying over for 2 weeks till sis is out from her days of confinement.

So lemme introduce the lil cuties~

First and foremost: The elder sister, named Yasmin Farhana.

Alright~! Ni lah dye Yasmin Farhana. A very active one year old toddler, I got my hands full with her!

She tends to be quite cute tho, so sometimes I don't mind if I have to take care of her. She learns quickly, and her favorite things are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Boboi Boy's theme song, her small teddy that have been with her since she was born, and a green ball she likes to play with. A trick I learned to shut her up when she cries is to play ball with her. She'll still cry a bit, but she'll quiet down eventually ;) She had a loud voice, a trait inherited from her mum's side of the family, and she resembles her father a lot. (tho I say otherwise xD)

Right now she's sleeping, so I have some free time to surf the net. xD

Secondly, the little sister; Fatihah Maisara;

(ignore the caption lol)

This is taken when she was just a day old. A veeerryyy cute baby, and don't give much fuss, so she's a fairly easy baby to take care off. Then again, my job is more to Yasmin rather than Fatihah, cuz the latter is taken care by sis. She sleeps a lot, and only wakes up when she's hungry (then again, all babies do that, rite?).

Similarly like her sister, when she cries, she's capable of waking the whole house up lol xD

So yeah, my fortnight's schedule (starting from a few days ago) is tweaked a bit. I slept hella late, often after sahur, or else I won't wake up xD and wake up around 11 or 12 to mind the shop. Occasionally I'll be washing their milk bottles, putting them to sleep, playing with them till they're exhausted and pretty much what a normal babysitter do.

Hav to say tho, it's quite tiring to mind them when I'm fasting, but since I can't skip on both, I just go with it. And hey, I'm part of their family, so a bit of helping out is part of my responsibility anyway. So I'm good with it~

So that's it for today, I'm going to take a bit of a nap, to conserve some energy when the little bundle of hyperness wakes up to play. :P