Things are cool in the exam, I sailed through the exam, as confident as I could. There's a slight bugging feeling in my conscience's detector, as I call it, though I disregarded that. Tgh bahagia lah org kata kan, dgn Literature yang kononnya best subject aku tu.
Then again, they say, don't boast. And don't count your eggs before they are hatched. And there's no such thing as a perfect day.
You just can't have too much of a good thing. Haha. Karma mungkin.
Aku da setel makan, tido, bukak FB. Ade carrymark, multimedia. Scanned through, and guess what, I was the lowest. And kalau markah tu tak jauh2 antara yang lain takpe tau. Ni aku sorg ber-digit 3 kat situ, wherein org lain suma 40+. A fecking 10 marks.
Okay mula mula chill la. Final still ade. Tapi badan dah gigil da. Dunno if it was from anger, sadness, disappointment, aku pun tak tau. And then I realized I can't contain it any longer. Airmata dah berlumba lumba nak jatuh da ni. So aku pun, as per usual, sorok kat balkoni, my lil 'sanctuary' la konon nye. People seldom go there anyway. Esther je la yg td ade sbb nak angkat baju, tu pun aku reluctantly ignored her sbb tak nak burst to tears right there and then.
Tak perlu terang kot ape aku buat kat situ. A little drizzle on my lovely afternoon. Serius aku rasa cam bodoh gila. Okay, multimedia may not be my forte, but come on, I know I'm not that dumb enough utk markah jadi cam babi cm tu. Possibilities mungkin ade assignments yg aku tak submit or wtv, tapi too little too late to regret, right? Assignments time's already gone. Its finals now. Nak tak nak kena face the music la. Nak pegi tanya En Shah balik asal markah aku cmtu? Sori tapi aku tak sanggup. My pride says that its my fault, and don't blame it to others. Assignment tak hantar? Padan lah muka. Sape suruh tak hantar. You reap what you sow. And honestly, malu kot. Sebab benda tu ultimately akan jadi salah aku.Kalau aku tanya pun, it'd still be my fault. So ape guna memalukan diri sendiri kalau dah tau tu salah sendiri?
Or in other words, I'm just too damn prideful for my own good.
Tapi serius aku rasa diri pathetic gila. Haha. Orang lain suma main2 jugak mcm aku. Takde pulak dpt markah mcm tu. Same goes for Japanese. Eceh konon pandai la Jepun, tgk anime bagai. Jap gi carrymark jahanam jugak. Kadang kadang aku rasa nak keluar drpd badan aku sendiri and laugh at myself. Gila pathetic. Overconfidence kills you. Ntah2 Lit aku pun nnt jadi cmni. Haha. Kalau betul jadi serius pathetic la seh. Aku rasa guilty gila kat mak aku. She says, belajar betul2, ibu da amikkan Note 2. Now, what did i get? The worst possible thing. Rasa mcm nak cancel je on the note. I don't deserve it.
Tu la, orang lain sume blajar, kau tak blajar. Konon pandai sgt. Konon last minute learner. Tak payahlah Sarah. Dah bangang tu bangang je la. Tak payah nak konon pandai sangat.
Padan muka. Kan dah dapat balasannya.
------------------------------- deep breath --------------------------------
Okay end of self deprecating post. Now, no choice but to go through this ordeal. Be tough, thats all you just have to do. Jangan nangis, nothing will come out of that. Belajar. Bak kata Seha, hardwork will never betray you.
And just calm the fuck down.
P.S: Saya meminta maaf jika hari ni saya menyakiti hati sesiapa. Okay? Terima kasih kerana memahami. :)
