I stare at the wreckage in front of me.

Pieces scattered all over the floor, like a broken china.

I bent down and picked one up after another, trying to put it all together, trying to make sense of the mess before me.

My fingers bleed, and tears wet my cheek.

But I didn't stop.

Because these pieces are my life,  and no matter how painful or hard it is, I have to make it work.

Because this is my life.

We don't get a second chance in living our life, after all.

Watashi no jinsei kaeshite kudasai.

Hai. Selamat Hari Raya.

Hari Raya ae? Hmm. Aku sbnanye tak terasa pun suasana hari raya tu. Sebab apa aku kurang pasti lah tapi yang penting raya taun ni cam tak semeriah yang aku expect.

Tapi tu cerita lain. Kita simpan untuk hari lain.

Harini, aku nak bukak crita lain. Cerita di mana hidup selalu tak adil... dengan aku.

Aku taktau berapa banyak kali dah aku mengomel benda yang sama. Hidup tak pernah adil dengan aku.

Certain will say, ala.. lex lah. Normal la hidup camtu. You don't live in a world where everything you want will be in your hands. No. There are some things you have to learn to let go.

Aku rasa, dalam dua dekad aku hidup ni, aku boleh dikira penyabar la kot. Campak la ape pun kat aku, aku tak kesah. Paling2 aku nangis. Marah sesikit. Sentap sekejap ke. Pastu esok ok lah balik.

Sebab tu aku rasa aku still survive hidup dalam keadaan camni. Haha.

Oh, I'm well aware. I am, in most parts of my life, more fortunate than others. I'm not rich, no, but my finances are satisfactory. I'm not a genius, no, but I still manage to survive till my completed 1st year Degree with satisfactory results (according to me, that is). I have close friends, whom bonds are like siblings to me.

Tak, hidup aku tak perfect. Just enough, orang kata. Maa maa desu.

So, where exactly is the unfairness, you would ask.

Let me just clarify one.

I completely lost my freedom. Or rather, I never had one, and was never given one.

You see, I live with my path already set out for me. I live by how others around me dictate, where to walk, where to turn, where to stop. At first, I was contented with that. So long as I follow what they say, I'll be safe and sound.

But then as I grow up, I realized. A young bird will eventually leave it's nest. And so will I, one day.

Young birds are taught the necessary skills they need to survive by their own later when they leave by their own. They are taught to hunt, to find shelter, to build their own nest.

But when I look back at my past, I see nothing. I don't see the skills that should be equipped by me as I grow up. I fail at house chores, cooking, mannerisms, directions, personal relations and a lot more. It's as if, up until now, I never once move my legs to my will. It's all their will, but never mine.

Going shopping by my own, or going to a friend's house for a visit, or even to discuss schoolworks. I never had the chance for any of them. Not once.

Am I the idiot then? For letting them bind me in this silver cage?

Should I have screamed out my voice earlier in my life then, to make them see that I too, have a life of my own?

I know, they're family. They're the ones who brought me to the world, and without them I wouldn't be here.

But really, is it wrong to only ask of a simple wish? I am not rebelling, I'm just asking for something that was originally mine.

Give me back my rights to my life. Let me learn to walk by my own feet, moved by my own will.

Moments.

"You either grab a moment, or let it pass. "

For the decades that I have lived, I think that I have chosen the latter choice, when those moments came to my life.

Moments when I should have done something about it, but I let it pass.

Moments when I should have treasured it, but I let it pass.

Moments when I should let it immerse myself in temporary happiness, but I let it pass.

Is that stupidity,  I wonder?
Or was there other reasons that led me to let it pass rather than grabbing it and make it mine?

But maybe, just maybe, some of those moments are better off passed.

Because maybe, some of those moments are not meant for me.

Right?

Rant for (myself)

0348. And am not asleep. 

But I will in a minute, after this post.

-sigh-

It might be odd coming from me myself, but frankly, I... don't like myself.

I would've said hate, but hate is such a strong word, innit? I do not like myself, yes, but not to the point of wholeheartedly hating myself.

Cuz, that's just silly, rite?

What I don't like about me the most is, I never learn. Haha. No matter how you put it, my heart, and sometimes my mind, is stubborn. Hard-hearted. Towards what I think is true.

That's annoying right? The way where it seems that your body, your mind, and your heart ain't synch-ing with each other. Each have their own little piece of mind to argue with each other.

See, I never liked being someone else's interferer,  or at least that's almost it since I lack the proper word to describe it. I don't get why I shouldn't just stay in my boundary and not... you know, interfere with others.

But hell if I actually obeyed to that philosophy.

Cuz like I said, I'm stubborn, in ways that I shouldn't be.

I should be strong in protecting my cheek from being wet by tears.

but my strength lies in a place where I should never have put any strength in.

I guess I'm just an idiot that never learns, no matter what happens. Na?

Tonikaku, kono mama ni ugokenaide. Nami to isshouni nagareteiku ho ga ii.

Bahagia

Terima kasih Ya Allah, sebab sudi bagi aku bahagia.

Walau sedikit cuma.

Dan walau sedikit derita datang menemaninya.

Aku sedang bahagia, dan aku belum mahu melepaskan rasa yang jarang singgah dalam hidup aku ni.

Mohon diri tidak mengada, dan mohon takdir tak ambil bahagia aku secara tiba-tiba.

Aku tahu kita takkan selamanya bahagia, tapi sementara ia ada, biar aku hidup dengan dia.

Beri aku sedikit lagi masa untuk aku rasa.

Aman tanpa cela.

Senyum, tak perlu kata apa apa :)

Hai. Selamat hari baru.

Aku cuma nak kata,

Mungkin salah aku juga, dah kata pada diri, jangan mengada.

Tapi silap sana sini tu biasa, aku manusia.

Cuma aku tetap teguh dengan apa yang aku kata. Itu je.

*senyum*

But I don't stay wrongly wired for long. 

And I think I'm fine now. Not fully but satisfactorily.

Apologies goes to whomever this little being inflicted upon, regrettably.

..........

Maa docchi demo ii,

Kenka mo hoshikunai shi.

Kono mama de ii, nanimo wakaranai mo ii.

Naze nara, watashi wa mou kangaetakunai.

Sore dake.

:)

Wish

I really wish, you'd have more faith in me, sayang.

Maybe, it seemed that I went a little bit overboard, but love, I still know where I stand. I've been reminded so much of where I stand, it's already carved deep inside me.

Maybe, I seemed a little too close for comfort. But comfort was the only thing I am looking for. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Maybe, I seemed a little too eager for my own good, but those eagerness does not bring hidden meanings in them.

I know, I understand. You were just reminding, for my own good. You saw me fell and you don't want me to slip again, I understand.

And I am not mad for that. Instead, I thank you. It's a simple practice of "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". I know.

Cuma sayang, aku mohon cuma satu. Aku tak kisah kalau aku yang merasai. Aku cuma tak mahu orang lain sakit sebab aku.

Cuz you see, it's very hard for me to be comfortable with new people.

If how I am behaving right now is wrong, then I'll promise I'll behave. So just, keep it normal. I won't be slipping to where I shouldn't. Don't make the person uncomfortable because of me.

Because apparently I do that a lot.

So please, just this once, could you help me?

Terima Kasih :)

Harini, finally, since aku masuk UTM yg ada kuda, aku dapat pegang kuda and tengok kuda secara live :D

Yes, I am very very happy.

Credits to kak ceha and monyet2 sekalian :3

Walau dibahan, tidakk mengapa. Asalkan my wish is granted. Haha.

TADAAA :D haha. Ni nama dia Max, and yes aku takut nak pegang dia sebab dia besarrr. haha.

KAK CEHAA! :D Sangat dikesali gambar dia and  juher tiada di hensetku. hehe

 

And ini gambar kuda-kuda yang lain. Harap maaf gambar monyet monyet tiada di sini.. ^^"

Well in all honesty aku tatau nak cakap ape. Yang penting aku happy. Tu je aa. Haha.

K skarang da sakit kepala sebab kena hujan tadi. Haha. Takpe, demi kuda aku sanggup! haha~

Well, that's all for nao. Bai bai ^_^

Rant.

Aku marah. Aku sentap. Aku rasa macam nakk terajang kau right here and then kalau kau ada depan muka aku sekarang.

Kau pandai. Kau genius. Bukan macam aku.

Kau nak suruh aku pujuk. Aku awal2 mintak maaf tapi aku tau lagi aku 'pujuk' lagi kau akan mengada.

So aku marah kau instead.

And you get angry back at me.

Hey, thanks. Kau kacau aku tengah belajar, semata sebab makwe kau hilang entah ke mana?
Lepas tu nak marah aku balik sebab akku tak reti pujuk kau?

Wait, sorry. Refresh sekejap. Aku BUKAN makwe kau. Hanya sekadar kawan rapat.

Aku bukan babysitter kau, yang kena pick up the mess each and every little time kau shit kan keadaan.

Kau lelaki. Kau sepatutnya lagi kuat dari aku. Priority la weh. Mana lagi penting? Cinta hati ke masa hadapan kau?

Itu je satu aku tanya.

Tapi sayang, macam jirus air atas daun keladi. Kau takkan mahu dengar, dan takkan mahu faham.

Too bad sayang. Kita dua entiti berbeza. Aku tak fikir solution utk masalah macam kau. And vice versa.

Cuma mohon, appreciate. Jangan pandai marah tapi tak pandai menilai.

Refleksi.

Hari ni... izinkan aku berbicara seketika.

Hari ni, aku macam terasa diri ni kecil seketika. *ketawa*

Ye, aku tau aku sudah sejak azali fizikalnya kecil. Tapi apa yang aku maksudkan, well, mungkin aku terasa intimidated. Terasa semua orang lagi lebih dari aku.

Bukan cemburu, hanya terpikir apa sebenarnya yang aku buat dengan hidup ni.

Alah, ini benda biasa, semua orang penah lalui, pernah rasa. Akan ada satu masa bila kau rasa kau tak cukup bagus. Tak cukup segalanya.

Dan itulah yang aku rasa sekarang.

Aku tengok, orang lain bermalas-malas juga seperti aku, tapi masih lagi atas dariku.

Aku lihat, orang lain acuh tak acuh juga seperti aku, tapi seperti aku saja yang tinggal di belakang.

Bukan sekali. Tapi berkali.

Then again, a human's still a human. Mesti ada yang tak puas hati, tak cukup. Bukan?

Tapi aku cuma rasa, aku boleh buat lagi bagus. Lagi tinggi.

Tapi sayang, perasaan tu tak kekal lama. Like a fleeting dream, it'll disappear in the vast ocean of my used-to-think thoughts.

Sayang, bila perasaan tu tak kekal lama untuk aku buat something about it.

Kelakar kan? Aku sedar aku tak cukup bagus, tapi masih tak mahu berubah. And the fact I am aware of both things is just... i don't know.

But I guess, I am who I am.

Aku boleh berubah, tapi ubahnya itu masih sedikit. Seolah percik air dari batu yang kecil.

Sebabnya aku ialah aku.

And change isn't what I always choose as an unswayed decision.

Sebenarnya...

Sebenarnya... aku tak boleh tido.

Puas pusing kiri kanan atas bawah telentang meniarap, mata masih tak mahu lelap.

Sebab apa aku tak tau.

Tapi tiap kali aku pejam mata, terbayang benda yang sepatutnya tak aku bayang.

Tidak, bukan hantu yang aku bayangkan.

Bukan cerita triple x yang aku bayangkan.

Bukan masalah yang mensemakkan hati yang aku bayangkan.

Jadi apa?

*senyum*

Biarlah bayangan itu menjadi rahsia.

Bukan apa, aku tahu diri ini cuma mengada. Aku tahu, jadi tidak perlu aku layankan, dan tidak perlu aku fikirkan.

Biarlah ia tinggal sebentar dalam benak hati dan fikiran. Hanya sementara, bukan selamanya.

Kerana apa?

Sebab aku makin hilang sebab untuk aku terus tersenyum. Dan jika ini boleh buat aku tersenyum, walau untuk sementara cuma, biarlah ia buat apa ia suka.

Sebab hidup tanpa senyum seolah dunia tanpa mentari. Mati.

Dan sebab tu, walau sakit, walau sedih, walau susah, aku tetap akan senyum. Walau untuk sementara cuma.

Rasa bersalah.

"Mungkin kau terasa tak selesa sekarang, rasa nak marah, aku tau, aku faham.
Tapi mohon, bagi aku masa. 
Itu je satu aku minta.
Masing-masing ada hidup sendiri, aku harap kau faham."

That was my status kat FB. In an attempt to ease my guilt. Sebab its been days since aku tak contact dgn dia. I was just trying to apologize, really, even though aku tak sure itu perlu ke tidak.

Sebab in all honesty, aku ni lembut. Most of the time I act tough, tapi hati aku tetap lembut. Aku cepat marah tapi aku tak marah lama. Paling2 aku megun je.

Mungkin korang tak faham sebanarnya menda aku bebel ni.

Ok aku cerita.

From my previous post, I've told that aku dah 'berbaik' dengan Mr Z, a chance to maybe get it on again.
So we've been contacting.
But he got on my nerve again.
So I ignored him.

Then again, aku busy. Dengan kena jaga nieces aku, kema tunang, final exam, my time is very occupied.

So I ignored him more.

Then today, aku teringat pasal ni. Aku nak start the conversation aku tak berani. So I just made that status just in case.

Even though aku rasa mungkin status tu mungkin cam cari gaduh.

Tapi tu bukan ceritanya. Bila aku pergi profile dia, I saw this 6 days thing in his profile. Turns out, ayah dia di hospitalized.

Dan tetiba aku rasa bersalah. Sebab aku menambah lagi beban kat dia when he's in a rut. Aku tetiba cam rasa aku jahat pulak. Aku taktau ini normal atau tak, so lemme ask. Should I, or should I not feel guilty?

But regardless the answer, aku masih rasa guilty.

Dan sekarang aku macam rasa nak nangis, nak hentak kepala atas meja. Nak jerit kuat2.

Anything that can rid this heavy feeling i'm bearing.

Macam fcuk la. Kenapa tiap kali aku baru nak bahagia aman sekejap, ada yang lain mengacau. Ape jahat sangat ke aku ni?

Aku tak tau. But I need a shoulder to cry on. Though I bet the tears won't fall easily. You know, it's that kind of feeling bila kau nak nangis tapi tak leh nangis.

Damn, messed up siot hidup aku.

Nasib la sara, nasib...

Aiskrim.

Haiii :)

Hari ni saya rasa semacam stress, lalu aku makan aiskrim, in hopes boleh hilang aa rasa stress tu.

Tadaa... ini la icecream kita tgh makan sekarang :)

Tapi aku rasa efek tak efek la makan menda ni. Cuma makan sebab rasa craving je. Haha.

So I'd like to start today's rambling.

Actually hari ni is like any other day, it started out normal. There isn't any occurence yang boleh membuatkan aku bad mood. Dari pagi sampai la petang. Everything was fine.

Then aku bukak FB. Scroll punya scroll, ternmpk pulak gambar seseorang tu. Siapa seseorang tu, aku rasa xperlu kot bagi tau. Mungkin kalau salah seorang buddies baca entry ni, mungkin diaorang tau siapa. So, sambung cerita. Yeah aku ternampak gambar dia. Lawa dah dia sekarang. Bergaya. (lol teringat #bergaya) ehem. Hmm, lawa la senang citer. Mungkin tak selawa the rest of my buddies, tapi kalau banding dengan aku, aku confident dia lagi lawa dari aku.

Aaand... somehow that ruined my mood. Kenapa? Entah.

Mungkin it was just pure jealousy. Mungkin aku terasa intimidated. Mungkin dua-dua. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a good excuse. But hey, that's the fact, and if this make me sound like a bad person, I guess maybe I am. Aku pun tak pernah cakap aku baik.

-berenti makan London Choco Roll jap. Pakngah belanja.-

Okay, sambung cerita. 

So umm begitulah cerita dia. Then bukak FB lagi, nampak status cari pasal Mr Z yang aku rasa lah, ditujukan kat aku. KOT. Sebenarnya status dia tu biasa je, tapi sebab dia sedang mencari pasal sebab masih tak nak habis merajuk, suma benda dia buat salah dimata aku. Aku malas nak layan dia, at least not until I go back to UTM. Terima kasihlah sebab buat aku menyesal sekali lagi. Yappari machigaikatta.

Oh well, I won't be paying any attention to him. Aku taknak dia rosakkan what little precious sweet relaxing time I have at home, semata nak suruh aku ikut kata dia.

Yes, I'm evil. But like I said, I'm no angel, love.

Esok I'll be going out with my elemantary+highschool bestfriend, Azreen. I was looking forward to it, tapi sebab benda benda ni semua, mood tu cam somehow hilang. I just hope I didn't ruin anything tomorrow.

Okay la, okay la, aku admit, benda ni semua benda kecik, tak perlu nak sentap sgt over everything, yeah? If I am in my logical mode, yes I'll agree. Tapi tgh emo ni, mmg semua serba tak kena la, orang kata.

Besides, it's not like anyone will be reading this. Kalau ada pun, well, hmm. Haha.

K la, aku rasa dah cukup membebel kat sini. That'll be all for today. Tata :)

Masalah

Tumpang lalu, kita nak membebel sebentar.

*dengar lagu When I Was Your Man* haha perfect. Thank you Fly.Fm.

Dulu, kau pernah kasi lagu ni kat aku. Wai? Sebab konon kau regret whatever shit you've done to me. Yes, I bought it. Macam biasalah, aku memang senang diayat, dimanja, dipujuk.

Tapi perangai kau serius macam F.

I've even explained to you what made me uncomfortable with you. Are you dumb or something? Sila bagi perhatian apa yang aku bagi tahu boleh? Ni tak. Satu dua hari je kau okay. Pastu buat pasal lagi.

Kau da lama kot kenal aku. Even relationship kita macam vague kadang2, kau dengan aku pernah serius.You said it yourself, you know me more than I know you. Yes, for some part, I agree. Tapi ada certain part yang aku rasa kau tak faham dan kau takkan pernah faham.

Aku tak pandai pujuk orang. Lagi-lagi lelaki. Perempuan pun aku kadang-kadang fail time pujuk diorang. Pastu kau nak merajuk bagai dengan aku. Sekali sekala  tu okay la, aku xde la kesah mana, tapi kalau da tiap kali nak merajuk... aih payah la camtu. Aku yang jadi annoyed dengan kau.

Aku dah cakap, time-time ni aku busy. Time aku kat rumah lagi la limited time nak cakap dengan kau. Dah berapa banyak kali aku cakap, if you can't bear with it, then leave me. Taknak. Taknak tapi bila tetiap kali I can't call or didn't pick up your call, kau merajuk, meradang, macam budak kecik tak dapat gula-gula.
Biasanya perempuan tau yang perangai camtu. Aku yang perempuan pun tak macam tu. Kau yang lelaki tu, tak perlu la aku rasa mengada mengalahkan perempuan. Kau rasa kau sakit hati dengan aku, aku sakitkan hati kau banyak kali? Then leave.

Aku dah kasi chance da. Even though it went against all of my principles. Tapi aku tak faham kenapa kau tak reti appreciate chance tu.

You said I can't find somebody who love me like you do. Really? I think I found someone already. Someone yang jauh lebih caring dekat aku dari kau. But I choose to ignore. And he may only the start of one person. Mungkin ada lagi yang lebih baik dari dia.

Aku rasa kau mungkin tak pernah terfikir kan, mungkin akan ada orang lain yang akan ambil aku dari kau. Ye aku tau, aku tak hot, tak secantik mereka yang keliling kau, or even mereka yang keliling aku. Kau hensem, athletic, nice build, sweet talker. A perfect man la orang kata. Ramai orang suka. Petik jari sepuluh betina keliling kau.

Mungkin sebab tu kau rasa kau boleh buat kepala kau with your own fecking way. Sebab takkan ada orang nak aku.

Ye?

Well sayang, bukan nak cakap ape, tapi anything can happen. If you don't start appreciate me from now, jangan menyesal untuk kali ke dua kalau aku dah takde lagi dengan kau. You can go take your damn philosophy to those people that just craves your attention. Yeah?

Serius aku geram weh tengok kau. Kau rasa kau dah hot, dah femes sangat, you can treat me like shit.
Kalau agak-agak femes sangat dah, sila ambik sesiapa yang sedang tergila-gilakan kau sekarang and make her your girlfriend, why don't you?

I've been alone for so long, to the point I don't give a damn anymore. If you're the definition of not being alone, then trust me sayang, I'd rather be alone, then be with you.

Mukadimah (amboi title xD)

Good afternoon, selamat tengah hari, Konbawa :)

Hai, saya tetiba terasa nak tulis blog, so okkay, here goes. haha.

K, harini aku rasa aku dah start malas. hahaha. Okay aku memang sebenarnya hari hari malas, tapi 2-3 hari kat rumah ni aku rajin tauu. Hari ni je malas. haha.

Patutnya harini aku kena babysit yasmin, tapi umm nantila . Maaf ye yasmin, auntie kau mmg cmni, pemalas. haha.

So what to story ae? Aku pun tataw...

Haha jap aa, bagi aku mandi dulu, nnt baru idea masuk. (kot). haha. 

So kita babai dulu for nao.

aku guna gif ni semata sebab dia comel. Ya, ini influence dari buat blog smlm. haha.

Hari gembira.

Okay, I admit. I expected to today to be as flawless as it can be. I've done my homework for Literature, and get things readied for today, baju and all. I really thought there ain't nothing that can disturb me today.

Things are cool in the exam, I sailed through the exam, as confident as I could. There's a slight bugging feeling in my conscience's detector, as I call it, though I disregarded that. Tgh bahagia lah org kata kan, dgn Literature yang kononnya best subject aku tu.

Then again, they say, don't boast. And don't count your eggs before they are hatched. And there's no such thing as a perfect day.

You just can't have too much of a good thing. Haha. Karma mungkin.

Aku da setel makan, tido, bukak FB. Ade carrymark, multimedia. Scanned through, and guess what, I was the lowest. And kalau markah tu tak jauh2 antara yang lain takpe tau. Ni aku sorg ber-digit 3 kat situ, wherein org lain suma 40+. A fecking 10 marks.

Okay mula mula chill la. Final still ade. Tapi badan dah gigil da. Dunno if it was from anger, sadness, disappointment, aku pun tak tau. And then I realized I can't contain it any longer. Airmata dah berlumba lumba nak jatuh da ni. So aku pun, as per usual, sorok kat balkoni, my lil 'sanctuary' la konon nye. People seldom go there anyway. Esther je la yg td ade sbb nak angkat baju, tu pun aku reluctantly ignored her sbb tak nak burst to tears right there and then.

Tak perlu terang kot ape aku buat kat situ. A little drizzle on my lovely afternoon. Serius aku rasa cam bodoh gila. Okay, multimedia may not be my forte, but come on, I know I'm not that dumb enough utk markah jadi cam babi cm tu. Possibilities mungkin ade assignments yg aku tak submit or wtv, tapi too little too late to regret, right? Assignments time's already gone. Its finals now. Nak tak nak kena face the music la. Nak pegi tanya En Shah balik asal markah aku cmtu? Sori tapi aku tak sanggup. My pride says that its my fault, and don't blame it to others. Assignment tak hantar? Padan lah muka. Sape suruh tak hantar. You reap what you sow. And honestly, malu kot. Sebab benda tu ultimately akan jadi salah aku.Kalau aku tanya pun, it'd still be my fault. So ape guna memalukan diri sendiri kalau dah tau tu salah sendiri?

Or in other words, I'm just too damn prideful for my own good.

Tapi serius aku rasa diri pathetic gila. Haha. Orang lain suma main2 jugak mcm aku. Takde pulak dpt markah mcm tu. Same goes for Japanese. Eceh konon pandai la Jepun, tgk anime bagai. Jap gi carrymark jahanam jugak. Kadang kadang aku rasa nak keluar drpd badan aku sendiri and laugh at myself. Gila pathetic. Overconfidence kills you. Ntah2 Lit aku pun nnt jadi cmni. Haha. Kalau betul jadi serius pathetic la seh. Aku rasa guilty gila kat mak aku. She says, belajar betul2, ibu da amikkan Note 2. Now, what did i get? The worst possible thing. Rasa mcm nak cancel je on the note. I don't deserve it.

Tu la, orang lain sume blajar, kau tak blajar. Konon pandai sgt. Konon last minute learner. Tak payahlah Sarah. Dah bangang tu bangang je la. Tak payah nak konon pandai sangat.
Padan muka. Kan dah dapat balasannya.

------------------------------- deep breath --------------------------------

Okay end of self deprecating post. Now, no choice but to go through this ordeal. Be tough, thats all you just have to do. Jangan nangis, nothing will come out of that. Belajar. Bak kata Seha, hardwork will never betray you.

And just calm the fuck down.

P.S: Saya meminta maaf jika hari ni saya menyakiti hati sesiapa. Okay? Terima kasih kerana memahami. :)